Imsomnicus Phobiatus

well hello lads! okay, first thing first I feel so thankful holly day is coming to town. Yes, that means holiday. God, I feel so useless this whole month, beside praying and fasting..there's nothing to do. Or maybe I'm just lazy and lack of initiative to do something useful this month..oh boy, I hate myself. When holiday just starting I made sooooooooo many plans that failed at the end of the day. I'm on my edge of life, I guess everybody has their own edge of life huh? But right now, this is my time. I feel hell coming right through my bones and burn my way towards the future :(

well I hope this feeling will fade and gone.

every aspect in my life like Love, education, family, future, self consciousness scratching me asking for help. The time when I have to step back and rethink, rebuild, my life has come, and I feel grateful to feel this because when you fall into the darkest deepest cliff and you feel so lonely ,that is the best time you can build yourself better before you crawl back into the light.

okay enough blabbing, do bath-ing. Wish my rebuild plans success, wish me luck and remember when you fall step back, get yourself together and find the light. Don't dig deeper into the dark.

Gday and morning indonesia, today it's your birthday but it feels just like another day. I don't feel free, I never feel free when it comes to you Indonesia. Watching you getting older but never get any wiser. Every single day I've been forced to watch you sink in wrong hands, you're not that old but you had to took all that burden, human sometimes can turn into a beast huh? accident, criminal, social and political problem makes me became more apathy towards your future. I wish there's something that I can do to help you, but sometimes I feel powerless. I'm scientist, we used to be treated with no respect. Many engineer, scientist flee to the other country, other foreign company because we have no more respect towards the people who runs you. but don't worry, someday when I have more power to changes people I'll come back to save you. But today I have to save my self and gain more power to change my self. We'll do it inside out, many people usually do it in reverse. Many youngster busy trying to change the world without change from inside first and they got nothing. God, I wish I can make it through this era without hurting my self or my kids someday!!

I recently watched lord of the rings trilogy and when I saw aragorn or theoden, the king of rohan appeared and gave some bad ass speech to the army, It kinda reminds me of bung tomo and his awesome speech. What kind of power he gave to Indonesian people until they have guts to stand up and fight without any fear of death??
where is he now? where we can find his heir?
I'm looking for them, but they're gone. I can see that you're crying right now Indonesia. You're getting older, getting tired of all this agony and pain. Yes we can't handle you, till now I always think Indonesian people don't have enough responsibility to take care of you.

But for now, for your birthday I'll pray for you. Someday, there will be times when beautiful people rise and lead your land beautifully. Someday you'll proud of us, of our people. Hang on there Indonesia, Thank you so much for providing us with beautiful  food, water, earth, trees without asking for any feedback. Lord, please take care of my country and keep it safe and surround with your love as always. Amen.

Happy birthday :)

well it's two o'clock in the morning and my eyes still opening widely searching for anything useless on the internet. Guess internet is silent killer for youngster in our era huh?