Imsomnicus Phobiatus

You know, since I had a rough time thru my past relationship..I kinda find my self to have some "trust issue".
It's killing me yes, I hate when the one that I love most just blatantly lying to me. I mean, what's your problem man?? does truth killing you or something?

For me, truth is the basic thing on relationship. Any kind of relationship
You can go wherever you want, your partner can seize her/his day wherever they want to be as long as the truth exist between you and your partner, you're building your love last.

Socialize yourself whenever wherever you are, make friends with others, but make your lovers as your best bro, tell em the truth, share your honest, no matter how bad it is.

you give truth, you'll earn trust
there's no better way to say that you love somebody than telling them honesty.

Have you ever felt like you're in the middle of a big trouble? It's big enough to make you hit your lowest point?
yeah, that's what I'm talking about and going on in my life right now.
Anyway, happy fasting y'all. Not that I don't feel grateful about my whole life, but sometimes there're some problem that'll affect your whole life.

I just don't know where to start.

for honest, maybe I know where to start. Maybe for some people, they know that they're making a mistake, they've seen that hole of problems before, but that's life isn't? sometimes to make us bigger, and better by accepting and moving on we have to be beaten by life.

My biggest mistake? I'm a dreamer, Imaginary freaks, there's lot of things goin on my mind rather than my life and yes I'm starting to feel annoyed by my own brain :-/
I'm not saying being a dreamer is a bad thing, but when you start to build your dream too much until you stop building your life on reality, that's the time you have to start to slap your own face.

yin and yang does exist, I need to find my balance. Y'all have too..
heaven and hell, dream and reality, good and bad, left and right. You may find me crazy but the best achievement in my life is when I find my way to live my life between that line.

be smart but fool enough so you'll never stop learning
be good but bad enough so you'll know how to keep trying
find your ying and make your own yang so you'll start balancing.

@anisaanshari

well hello lads! okay, first thing first I feel so thankful holly day is coming to town. Yes, that means holiday. God, I feel so useless this whole month, beside praying and fasting..there's nothing to do. Or maybe I'm just lazy and lack of initiative to do something useful this month..oh boy, I hate myself. When holiday just starting I made sooooooooo many plans that failed at the end of the day. I'm on my edge of life, I guess everybody has their own edge of life huh? But right now, this is my time. I feel hell coming right through my bones and burn my way towards the future :(

well I hope this feeling will fade and gone.

every aspect in my life like Love, education, family, future, self consciousness scratching me asking for help. The time when I have to step back and rethink, rebuild, my life has come, and I feel grateful to feel this because when you fall into the darkest deepest cliff and you feel so lonely ,that is the best time you can build yourself better before you crawl back into the light.

okay enough blabbing, do bath-ing. Wish my rebuild plans success, wish me luck and remember when you fall step back, get yourself together and find the light. Don't dig deeper into the dark.

Gday and morning indonesia, today it's your birthday but it feels just like another day. I don't feel free, I never feel free when it comes to you Indonesia. Watching you getting older but never get any wiser. Every single day I've been forced to watch you sink in wrong hands, you're not that old but you had to took all that burden, human sometimes can turn into a beast huh? accident, criminal, social and political problem makes me became more apathy towards your future. I wish there's something that I can do to help you, but sometimes I feel powerless. I'm scientist, we used to be treated with no respect. Many engineer, scientist flee to the other country, other foreign company because we have no more respect towards the people who runs you. but don't worry, someday when I have more power to changes people I'll come back to save you. But today I have to save my self and gain more power to change my self. We'll do it inside out, many people usually do it in reverse. Many youngster busy trying to change the world without change from inside first and they got nothing. God, I wish I can make it through this era without hurting my self or my kids someday!!

I recently watched lord of the rings trilogy and when I saw aragorn or theoden, the king of rohan appeared and gave some bad ass speech to the army, It kinda reminds me of bung tomo and his awesome speech. What kind of power he gave to Indonesian people until they have guts to stand up and fight without any fear of death??
where is he now? where we can find his heir?
I'm looking for them, but they're gone. I can see that you're crying right now Indonesia. You're getting older, getting tired of all this agony and pain. Yes we can't handle you, till now I always think Indonesian people don't have enough responsibility to take care of you.

But for now, for your birthday I'll pray for you. Someday, there will be times when beautiful people rise and lead your land beautifully. Someday you'll proud of us, of our people. Hang on there Indonesia, Thank you so much for providing us with beautiful  food, water, earth, trees without asking for any feedback. Lord, please take care of my country and keep it safe and surround with your love as always. Amen.

Happy birthday :)

well it's two o'clock in the morning and my eyes still opening widely searching for anything useless on the internet. Guess internet is silent killer for youngster in our era huh?